Once to Die, and After Comes…
Is Death the End, or a Continuation?
In April of this year, 2021, my mom passed away. Over fifty years of smoking led to her death, though she’d quit the sinister habit about five years before.
For reasons I will explain later, I’ve committed to memory the above photo, since I never knew my mom when she was nineteen.
I Thought I was Ready. I Wasn't.
We all knew it was coming, so why did it hit me so hard? Isn’t death a common thing to be prepared for? As an Army Veteran, a retired COP and a Christian (most days), I thought I’d be the rock that can’t be shocked. I was wrong.
Nearing the End
Mom had settled into a life of dragging around an oxygen machine, gasping for breath and chronic fatigue. With my dad as her loving nurse, she kept trying to enjoy some of the things she loved, like sewing, cooking and watching crime dramas. Fighting to breathe made it hard to enjoy anything.
As her son, it was gut-wrenching to see her that way. She’d been such a dynamo all her life; beautiful, head-strong and able to work most men into the ground. Day by day, I watched her independence being replaced with constant need, inability and stress.
As she suffered, I admit I was looking forward to the day her agony would end. That confessed, why did that moment rock me off my moorings like a tsunami? I haven’t yet returned to my previous state of normal, if I ever will. A tsunami, no matter how one might prepare for it, is always devastating.
The Door
One spring day, after a long visit with her children, grandchildren and family, having said her goodbyes over the previous weeks, my mom settled in for the night in her recliner. She didn’t look good, even for her condition.
My wife and my sister-in-law (both in the medical field) convinced her to go to the hospital in hopes of making her decline more comfortable. The pain and inability to catch her breath overpowered her stubbornness, bringing an ambulance to the house for a non-emergency transport.
To our surprise, my mother died that very night.
Covid restrictions prevented us from being by her side when she left, but not all of us. Kerri, a nurse and my sister-in-law, was there with her. This is what my sister saw.
A Look Into the Beyond
We’ve all heard the “I died and came back” stories about lights and tunnels, often discounting them as dreams of dying persons or lies. Even so, the final words and deeds of humans ring true.
Perhaps the last breath you heard from your mom was, “Momma?”
For some, maybe it was, “I see them!”
What did my Mom See?
There she was, lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to the usual monitoring devices. In true “Majorie get’s what Majorie wants” form, she’d scored her favorite drink, a Coke with ice, and was resting contently. Resting, I say, after causing a scene in the emergency waiting room regarding how long it took to get her a bed.
“Dennis, they’ve got me in the hall!” she spat on the phone with my dad. We all interpreted her rambunctiousness as a good sign.
“Not today,” I thought.
Mom’s condition took a sudden turn, causing nurse Kerri to enter the room. Being a skilled House Supervisor, with over 20 years of nursing experience, she was able to read the signs of death’s approach in a second.
As mom’s oxygen saturation plummeted and her vitals sank, Majorie Ann, with her eyes still closed, raised her arms as if to hug someone. The look on Kerri’s face as she told me is branded in my memory.
Briefly, she explained, my mom held that pose, before lowering her hands to her sides. Then, with no signs of pain, mom exhaled her final breath and was gone.
Heaven Looks Like…
We all have our imaginations of what Heaven might be like. Minus the satellite dish on the peak, I picture a scene like this, where my departed relatives and friends are waiting for me on a green mountain. They are all in their primes, dressed in flowing white robes with vibrant smiles.
My version of Heaven comes from a Biblical upbringing and subsequent seminary education. This tends to engender assumption that my perspective of the afterlife is bookended by the unmoving granite of modern religion. Thankfully, I do not consider myself to be religious, in the modern sense of the word.
After a lifetime of Church and seven years of Bible College, I can say this with authority. There is little about Heaven in the Bible. Even so, what does the Good Book say about the place beyond the clouds?
Biblical Heaven
Rev. 1:12 Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, 13 and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. 14 The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, 15 his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. 16 In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength.
(ESV WITH STRONG’S
All Scripture references taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version with Key Numbers (ESVS)
ESV Text Edition: 2016
Copyright © 2001, 2006, 2011, 2016 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers
All rights reserved
Strong’s Number tagging ©2011 OakTree Software, Inc.
Version 6.3)
This is one of the few locations in the Bible where Heaven is described in some detail. As one can see, the passage is mainly describing God Himself, save for the lampstands and clothing. I often get chills when reading this, making me glad I’ve not yet seen the Almighty in His power.
The commonly-referred-to streets of gold and pearly gates comes from a prophetic description of the New Jerusalem.
Rev. 21:2 And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. (ESV)
The Holy City descending from Heaven to earth takes place 1000 years after the return of Christ. The city is not in Heaven itself, but comes down from Heaven, or am I reading it wrong?
Rev. 21:21 And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each of the gates made of a single pearl, and the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.
Astoundingly, from this one verse, hyperbolic story tellers have concocted the commonly believed scene of saint Peter standing before “Pearly Gates,” admitting or rejecting the recently deceased. Nowhere in the Bible is there any reference to saint Peter at a pearly gate.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is not what my mom saw.
A Familiar Face in an Unfamiliar Place
Gen. 35:29 And Isaac breathed his last, and he died and was gathered to his people, old and full of days. And his sons Esau and Jacob buried him. (ESV)
I’ve always enjoyed reading this history of Isaac’s death. It is a common scene, in Old Testament Scripture, evoking visions of, “his people,” welcoming Isaac into Paradise.
Who were Isaac’s people? Isn’t it logical they would have been his family? Sarah, his mother, Abraham, his father, his brother Ishmael and his uncles and his aunts were his people. His family.
Who will your people be, waiting to parade you into Glory?
Mom. I’ll See You Again.
I can’t speak for all of those who’ve seen lights at the end of tunnels. None of them have any physical evidence to support claims of returning from death. All I know is I will see my mom again, when my time comes, making it vital that I memorize what she will look like. Get the picture? She ain’t gonna be old, by golly!
What did my mom see when she raised up her lovely arms under the power of final breath? By the mercy of God, I think she saw her mother, young and strong, with arms outstretched and smiling. As mom passed through death’s door, grandma began hugging and kissing her face, perhaps remembering weighing little Margie on a Cotton Scale, by hanging her on the scale’s iron hook by the back of her first diaper. That could have been the very conversation they had, after everyone finished hugging.
My mom surely saw Carl, her father, smiling in the prime of his youth, jumping down from his best horse. Laughing his signature chuckle, his wide arms enveloped them both, as he towered over their heads.
Youthful, pain-free, with brand new lungs, Marjorie then saw her kid brother, Mike, emerging from the crowd, looking as strong and handsome as he was on the day he entered the Navy. “Hey sis,” he likely said, planting a rough kiss on her cheek.
Simply put, my sweet mother saw her people, mercifully summoned as familiar faces to greet her on that bridge.
For everyone who dies, like a lighthouse emerging from the blackest storm, the waters of death will become glassy and still, as soon as family comes near. I can think of no faces more comforting, except that of God Himself.
Of all the soldiers who’ve died in agony, all the burn victims, disease sufferers and the terrified, who better to meet them in Heaven than their loving mothers, hugging away the hard barnacles of this life.
One day, in Heaven, I will meet my kindhearted mom, who bandaged my knees, petted my hair and kissed my forehead when I was hurt. My mom, who cooked three boys mountains of perfect food, taught us our times-tables, was our Sunday school teacher, maid, nurse and friend. She will surely be the first one to greet me on the other side, whispering familiar comfort against my ear.
“You’re okay. Everything’s alright. Mom’s here.”
I love you mom. I’ll see you again.
